Your Sugar Sits Untouched
by PhantasmagoricPhantom
Summary: Hitsugi becomes friends with the vocalist of Dir En Grey but as their friendship deepens, as well as Hitsugi's feelings towards the other man, Kyo's dark secrets will be revealed. Nightmare Naitomea Dir En Grey Koaru Shinya Toshiya Yomi Sakito Ruka Die Ni
1. Always Look on the Bright Side Of Life

_Your Sugar Sits Untouched_

_Always Look On the Bright Side of Life_

_Summary: Hitsugi and Kyo meet when their bands attempt a collaboration album. But the album is quickly pushed to the side when Hitsugi quickly discovers Kyo's well hidden secrets. He's already too deep to run away. As Hitsugi discovers Kyo's pain and scars he falls for the small warumono. But can Hitsugi save Kyo before the darkness of depression consumes him? Inspired by Emilie Autumn songs._

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: *This is inspired completely by Emilie Autumn songs. You should listen to Always Look On the Bright Side of Life by Emilie Autumn while reading, although I doubt you will. It's the song I listened to while writing this, so the story reads better if you listen to it.*_

It was the day Nightmare was going to meet up with Dir En Grey. Hitsugi had been looking forward to it but at the same time he was dreading it. After everything he had heard about the band he definitely had reason to be at least a little nervous. Their music was beautiful in Hitsugi's ears even if it was a little grotesque at times but the ban's reputation was not something you could easily miss. Dir En Grey was going to attempt a collaboration album with Nightmare, and idea presented to the bands by some rocks for brains producers who harassed the two bands into submission. Hitsugi wondered how two completely different bands would be able to create music that reflected both bands simultaneously. It wasn't Hitsugi's idea of a perfect match but then again, it wasn't his idea...

Even so he still looked forward to working with Dir En Grey but Hitsugi was beyond shy. This was exactly the reason he was sitting in the corner of the mens' room at the restaurant when the rest of the band was meeting up with Dir En Grey for the first time. He curled up resting his chin on his knees and wrapping his arms around his legs. He felt slightly embarrassed that his shyness prevented him from even entering the same room as Dir En Grey. Hitsugi sighed, hoping the other band wouldn't think any less of him for his shyness. There was always next time...

...

The members of Dir En Grey sat silently staring at the shortest member of Nightmare as he babbled endlessly. Toshiya's eyes widened after several minutes when Yomi still had not taken a breath.

"He just doesn't shut up, does he?" Shinya whispered into Toshiya's ear after several more minutes. Toshiya suppressed a giggle at Shinya's tone of voice and nodded in agreement.

Yomi talked so much and so fast that Kaoru didn't even have room to interrupt him. And most of the things he was talking about were completely unrelated to any business the band had together. Really, Yomi was trying to buy time until Hitsugi showed up. Finally after what seemed like hours Yomi took a breath. As short as it was, it was long enough for Kaoru to jump in and say something.

"There are only four of you," Kaoru pointed out.

Yomi stared at Kaoru silently. In all his talking he'd nearly forgotten about Hitsugi disappearing.

Sakito answered for Yomi who was blushing slightly. "Please excuse our guitarist Hitsugi... He's a bit nervous..."

"Where is he?" Kaoru asked, hoping to use Hitsugi's absence to prevent Yomi from another hour long rant.

"Ehm... He's in the men's room..." Sakito replied.

"Kyo, why don't you go look for him?" Kaoru asked. No one noticed Kyo wince slightly at the sound of his name uttered from Kaoru. He nodded and quietly walked away. Once Kyo had left Yomi opened his mouth to speak when Kaoru interrupted him again. "I think we should wait till they get back to continue this conversation." Yomi's mouth snapped shut and Die let out a sigh of relief, silently praying his thanks.

...

Hitsugi nearly jumped at the sound of his name. He was so lost in thought he hadn't noticed the short, blonde man enter the room. He stared up at Kyo, blushing red hot.

"Are you one of Dir En Grey?" Hitsugi asked in a voice barely above a whisper. Kyo nodded.

"Are you going to continue sitting on the dirty floor, Hitsugi?" Kyo asked in a rather sarcastic voice. Hitsugi looked away and stayed silent. Kyo stood for a moment. "Well if you aren't going to go out there..." Hitsugi looked up at Kyo with wide eyes. "Then do you mind if I sit with you?" Hitsugi shook his head and Kyo sat next to him. Hitsugi uncurled and sat cross-legged. Kyo sat quietly glancing over at Hitsugi a few times.

"Why don't you want to go back out there?" Hitsugi asked quietly after a few moments.

Kyo shrugged. "Your bandmates seem bored and I don't feel like talking to everyone out there. Although Yomi likes to talk, doesn't he? And you should see the way he looks at Kaoru."

Hitsugi listened, entranced by the sound of Kyo's voice. Hitsugi had never even seen a picture of the band that he remembered and he'd only listened to Uroboros on the car ride there. Sakito had told him that none of the members were particularly good looking or very interesting. But Hitsugi thought that Kyo was absolutely stunning. Hitsugi bit down on one of his lip piercings. He wanted Kyo to say something else. Finally Hitsugi gathered the courage to say something.

"Then would you prefer to sit on this dirty floor and talk to me?" Hitsugi asked, his voice sounding a lot more confident than he really was. Something close to a smile flashed over Kyo's features but it was gone quickly. Kyo hadn't smiled in years.

"I suppose I would." Kyo replied, amusement filling his voice.

And so the two talked for a short time. Kyo made Hitsugi laugh by making very loud and obnoxious comments on the penis size of every male who took a piss in front of them. Kyo didn't laugh or smile himself but a little part of him enjoyed seeing Hitsugi's smile.

After a while Hitsugi suggested that he and Kyo go out for drinks instead of sitting in the bathroom. They knew one of the other band members would come looking for them soon enough. And neither was ready to give up the fun they were sharing for boring but necessary business talk.

Kyo hadn't had so much fun in the last few years that Dir En Grey had been together. He never went out, never dated, and never had friends the whole time Dir En Grey had been together.

Kyo proudly paraded Hitsugi through the parking lot to Hitsugi's car as they walked arm in arm. Fortunately, the pair had managed to sneak out of the building unnoticedby the other band members.

Once Hitsugi and Kyo had gone to a rather upscale bar and Hitsugi had a few drinks, He begun to flirt with Kyo. Of course, Kyo brushed off every attempt at flirting Hitsugi made. Hitsugi was simply too innocent minded and drunk to really flirt with the older vocalist. Hitsugi didn't know Kyo very well but for some reason, unknown to him, he really liked the other man.

The two continued to talk and drink, enjoying each other's company, until the time came for them to leave. As they separated Hitsugi went home to his house and his cats, his body still filled with happiness leftover from his time spent with his new friend, and Kyo went home in fear.


	2. Willow and All My Loving

_Your Sugar Sits Untouched_

_Willow and All My Loving_

Kyo came home to a silent house. He quietly closed the door as to not disturb the peace rarely found in his home. But the peace didn't last long when he heard Kaoru walk into the living room where Kyo was standing. Kyo's heart froze in his chest at the sight of the guitarist. Kaoru smiled a sweet sort of deceptive smile. One that didn't show what was to come or the past he'd created for Kyo. But Kyo knew. Kaoru walked towards Kyo and hugged the shorter man, his arms wrapped around the small of Kyo's back.

"Kyo! I'm so glad you're home!" Kaoru said in a loving voice he only used when he and Kyo were alone. Kaoru remained in the hug as he continued, his hands roaming around Kyo's torso. "I've been waiting so long…." Kaoru whispered suggestively. Kyo winced.

Kaoru grabbed Kyo's ass and began rubbing himself almost violently against Kyo's crotch. Kyo knew the story too well; He knew what would happen next. He hated it but it was expected after so many long years of abuse. Kaoru quickly undressed himself and his long-time victim. Kyo went numb, successfully trying to block out what was happening. Kaoru pulled Kyo into their shared bedroom. Almost every night Kaoru would 'claim' Kyo as his. Kyo never spoke, never screamed in agony, never resisted. He knew every effort would only be in vain for Kaoru was much stronger than the short blonde man. Kyo had given up after the first year. He had only one escape from these horrors; his only escape was the music he created. Kyo lay cold and motionless as Kaoru screwed him violently into the bed sheets. It almost looked like Kyo was dead, they way he lay unmoving and hardly breathing as he was taken and bleeding. Dead. How much Kyo wished he was.

...

The next day Dir En Grey met with Nightmare again and this time all of the members showed up. Hitsugi was still nervous but Kyo's presence relaxed him despite the fact that Kyo looked like shit. Kyo's hair and make up had been carefully done and his clothes looked nice but something about the way he held himself made Hitsugi worry about the Warumono. Kyo loked almost sickly and kept his head down not speaking throughout the entire meeting.

When the meeting was over Hitsugi asked Kyo to go out drinking with him again. Kyo looked over at the borderline vicious glares he was receiving from Kaoru. Kyo quickly agreed knowing that later he would regret it. Kyo hoped that having a friend would be worth the pain of Kaoru's anger later that night.

...

So the two went to the same bar as the day before.

"What's wrong, Kyo?" Hitsugi asked before they even got their first drinks. Kyo was surprised by the question and stared wide eyed at Hitsugi before answering.

"N-nothing! Nothing's wrong. I'm fine." Kyo answered a little nervously.

Hitsugi was not easily convinced by Kyo's lies. "No really, what's wrong? Is it Kaoru?"

Kyo stared in shock at the red haired guitarist. He was the first person to even notice that something was off between Kyo and Kaoru. Kyo was so shocked he couldn't even answer Hitsugi's question. He didn't want Hitsugi to learn all of his dark secrets. At the moment, Kyo wanted nothing more than Hitsugi's friendship. And Kyo doubted that Hitsugi would stay his friend for long if he knew about the shameful things happening to Kyo behind closed doors. Kyo didn't blame Hitsugi though. Why would Hitsugi want to be around someone as fucked up as Kyo? Even Kyo hated himself, why should Hitsugi be any different?

Hitsugi patiently waited for Kyo's reply but he got none. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't pry like that. It's your business not mine. Forgive me." Kyo quickly nodded. "Not that it's any of my business but are you and Kaoru... Ehm... together?"

Kyo tensed up. He shook his head. Kyo figured Hitsugi wasn't really asking about Kaoru but more as seeing if Kyo was available. The two continued to talk both avoiding the subject of Kaoru. Kyo left a bit early. Hitsugi had offered to drive him home but Kyo politely declined.

Kyo didn't directly go home though; instead he went to his favorite coffee shop and had a muffin. He was avoiding going home to another night of Kaoru.

Sometimes Kyo liked to sit in the busy coffee shop and wonder who would miss him if he were gone. If Kyo one day packed his bags and ran away, who would care? Who would phone the police to report him missing? If Kyo were to kill himself, would they even bother with a funeral? Kyo had no family who cared. So who would be left to miss him? Even his dedicated fans would find another and quickly forget about their favorite Warumono. If no one cared, what was the point of Kyo continuing on? Kyo always ended his thoughts with the conclusion that if he waited long enough, Kaoru would either kill him or Kyo would find someone who _did_ care. And every day Kyo held on desperately to that tiny hope.

That night Kyo came home to Kaoru slamming doors and knocking things around and breaking things. Kyo sighed. Kaoru came charging toward Kyo. He threw Kyo against a nearby wall violently. Then he grabbed an umbrella and began beating Kyo with it. It was the same routine as usual. When it wasn't rape, it was beatings.

Kyo curled up trying to protect himself from Kaoru's blows. Kyo gasped for breath when Kaoru managed to kick him straight in the gut. Kyo knew that if he wasn't careful he could end up in a hospital…or dead.

Kaoru continued lashing out on his defenseless victim. Kyo was fine with the beatings. It was better than rape in his opinion. Less emotional harm was done even if more pyshical harm was. At least this way he had a chance at dying. Every time Kyo thought this was going to be the time he died, Kaoru would stop suddenly. This time he burst into tears. Kyo watched emotionlessly as Kaoru sobbed, still broken from his scarring childhood of abuse.

Kyo watched Kaoru cry. He stood up to walk away but as he turned away he heard Kaoru's weak and sobbing voice, "Kyo... Please don't leave me..."

After that, Kyo walked through the door, locking it behing him. And then, for some reason, Kyo wanted to find Hitsugi.


	3. Dead is the New Alive

_Your Sugar Sits Untouched_

_Dead is the New Alive_

After making a couple calls to Nightmare's management Kyo managed to get the address. It was storming and the weather was just horrid and Kyo was absolutely drenched but he didn't care. He wanted to see his new friend again. As if he had another friend he could go to... Kyo had trouble making friends with his obscene personality but that was just for show. The few people who dared to try and be friends with Kyo were quickly run off by Kaoru. Kyo was partially surprised that Hitsugi still had a heartbeat but Kyo knew Kaoru wouldn't lay a hand on anyone else. He had Kyo to take his anger out on. And he only ever wanted Kyo.

Kyo stood at Hitsugi's door wondering if he had the right house. He checked the address once more before knocking.

Hitsugi looked up from the book he was reading at the sound coming from just outside his door. He quickly answered wondering who in hell was visiting him. He was surprised but pleasantly so to see Kyo standing outside his door in the rain. He warmly greeted Kyo, ignoring the too obvious bruises that had already formed on Kyo's exposed skin for the moment.

"Damn, Kyo! How long have you been outside?" Hitsugi asked jokingly. He showed Kyo the bathroom so he could change his clothes. Hitsugi gave him some of his own clothes to wear although they were a bit baggy on Kyo's smaller frame.

Finally the two had settled on Hitsugi's couch each with a steaming cup of Hitsugi's favorite tea. Hitsugi wanted to ask Kyo what happened to Kyo and why he was at his house but he decided to stay quiet until Kyo had warmed up and had some steaming hot tea. Kyo hesitantly took a drink of his tea surprised at how sweet it was. Hitsugi put so much milk and sugar into the tea it hardly tasted like tea anymore. Eventually, after a few moments of silence Hitsugi spoke up.

"Kyo…. Why are you here so late at night?" Hitsugi asked. Kyo tensed and adverted his eyes at the question.

"I… I just felt like visiting. I hope you don't mind." Kyo replied quietly, obviously lying.

"That's fine. But, Kyo, why do you have so many cuts and bruises?" Hitsugi asked.

"I…I… Umm…." Kyo stammered. He considered leaving but the only place left for him to go contained a very pissed off man who would probably beat him for walking out.

"Was it Kaoru?" Kyo very visibley winced at the blunt question. He remained silent under Hitsugi's gaze, by actions answering Hitsugi's question.

Finally Hitsugi gave up. "It's fine Kyo. You don't have to tell me. I apologize for being so nosey." Hitsugi said quietly. Kyo nodded but still avoided making eye contact with the guitarist. "So are you going back home or do you have somewhere to stay for the night?"

"Are you offering for me to stay here?" Kyo questioned.

"Only if you have nowhere else to go." Hitsugi replied in an amused tone, a small smile forming on his lips.

"Then I guess I'm staying here for the night."

Hitsugi smiled and leaned over to hug Kyo. Kyo attempted to dodge the hug but Hitsugi succeeded in wrapping his arms around his warumono friend.

...

The next morning Kyo woke up to the sweet smells of breakfast. He awoke confused, still half asleep, but soon remembered he was in Hitsugi's guest bedroom. Kyo laid back down and relaxed for a little while. He liked the peacefulness of Hitsugi's house. And he definitely liked not waking up in fear of Kaoru's unpredictable emotions.

Only a few short minutes later Kyo froze in fear at the sound of knocking on the apartment door.

Hitsugi answered the door, thinking it odd for someone to knock on his door so early in the morning. Not that Hitsugi ever had very many visitors. When Hitsugi opened the door he almost gasped at the sight of a much taller man at his door. Hitsugi had only seen him once before but he instantly recognized Kaoru. Hitsugi wasn't completely sure of what it was but he knew things between Kaoru and Kyo were far from alright.

"Hello Hitsugi. Is Kyo there?" Kaoru asked getting straight to the point.

"Kyo? No, I haven't seen him since yesterday." Hitsugi answered. Technically he hadn't seen Kyo that day so it wasn't completely a lie.

Kaoru looked past Hitsugi into the house. "Isn't that Kyo's jacket?" Kaoru asked pointing behind Hitsugi.

Hitsugi blushed. "Ehm… No, it's Sakito's." Hitsugi lied, hoping that his blushing made Kaoru assume what was not technically true.

"Okay then, I'll be going. But if you see Kyo _do_ tell me. I'm really worried about him." Kaoru said before leaving. Though the words were only a request the tone of his voice made it sound like a demand.

Hitsugi let out a sigh of relief. He decided it might be a good time to check up on Kyo before he finished making breakfast. He knocked on the door but there was no answer. He opened the door and peaked in. Kyo was nowhere to be seen.

"Kyo?" Hitsugi looked around the room.

"Hitsugi?" A small whisper came from under the bed. Hitsugi leaned down to look under the bed. There he saw Kyo's huddled form.

"Kyo, why are you under the bed?" Hitsugi asked.

"Is Kaoru gone?" Kyo whispered. Hitsugi nodded and Kyo crawled from under the bed. "What did he say? You didn't tell him I was here, did you?" Kyo asked worriedly.

"No, I didn't tell him you are here. He's gone now, it's okay." Hitsugi patted his trembling friend on the back comfortingly. Kyo calmed down a little bit. "Do you want some breakfast?" Hitsugi asked changing the subject. Kyo nodded thankfully and followed Hitsugi into the kitchen.

The reaction Kyo gave to Kaoru's presence at the apartment was more than enough to confirm Hitsugi's fear that something was _very_ wrong between the two men. But Hitsugi said nothing, knowng that the shorter vocalist didn't want to talk about it. At every mention of Kaoru, Hitsugi felt Kyo's suffering as though it were radiating off of him. That was an awful feeling and Hitsugi silently vowed to himself that he would help Kyo in some way no matter how small.

After the two had finished their breakfast Kyo and Hitsugi were cleaning up the plates.

"Kyo…." Hitsugi started. Kyo looked at Hitsugi questioningly. "What's wrong between you and Kaoru?" Hitsugi asked softly as not to scare the vocalist. Kyo looked away and didn't answer. "Kyo, why won't you tell me?"

"Because it's none of your damn business." Kyo muttered angrily, barley loud enough for Hitsugi to hear. Kyo wanted to tell Hitsugi but he was too afraid of how his innocent friend would react. Kyo himself could barely handle all of the shameful things that had happened to him.

"Kyo please tell me? I promise I won't think any less of you." Hitsugi asked hopefully.

"I don't want to talk about it!" Kyo said sternly. Hitsugi saw the obvious torment in Kyo's eyes and as much as he longed to hear the truth of the situation he couldn't stand putting Kyo though this kind of emotional strain.

"Fine but you'll have to tell me eventually. You can't keep hiding these things from me." Hitsugi replied in a calm voice. "Ehm…. Kyo…. What would you say if I asked you to move in with me?"

"I'd say 'are you insane?'" Kyo replied.

"Well obviously things aren't right between you and Kaoru so would you like to stay here with me for a while... What do you say?" Hitsugi asked hopefully.

"It's probably best if you don't get tangled up in things that don't involve you." Kyo's voice was dark and his eyes downcast but Hitsugi wasn't quick to givve up on the situation.

"It already involves me. You showed up at my door as well as Kaoru." Kyo had no reply for this. Hitsugi had cornered him with words. "So will you stay here with me? Please?" Hitsugi asked again.

"Why?"

"Why what, Kyo?"

"Why are you doing all of this?" A moment of silence passed between the two.

"Because you're my friend."

The two men were silent for a long time.

"Fine…. I'll stay here." Hitsugi smiled warmly at Kyo, who only attempted a smile. He silently thanked Hitsugi because in all honesty it was his only real escape available.

"Thank you, Kyo." Hitsugi said smiling, happy to help his friend.


	4. Gothic Lolita

_Your Sugar Sits Untouched_

_Gothic Lolita_

_Before the days of Dir En Grey:_

_"Thanks again Kaokao! It was so nice of you to let me live here with you!" Kyo said cheerfully hugging Kaoru. Kyo was a sweet kid but that hadn't stopped his parents from kicking him out of their house for failig out of middle school amd attempting to pursue a career in music. Luckily, Kyo's friend, Kaoru, took him in._

_"No problem, Kyo! I'm glad to have you here." Kaoru said trying to escape Kyo's death grip hug. Kaoru wondered how people thought Kyo's handshakes were too strong; his hugs were even worse! _

_After a few moments of trying to escape Kaoru gave up and tried a different approach. "If you suffocate me to death you'll have nowhere to live, Kyo..."_

_"Oh sorry..." Kyo blushed turning to pick up another box to carry into their shared apartment._

_After Kyo and Kaoru had finished settling Kyo and all his stuff in the two men sat down on the couch and rested, obviously satisfied with their hard day's work. Both men were exhausted. Well, at least Kaoru was exhausted... Kyo was an endless supply of energy._

_"Hey Kaoru! Wanna go to a bar tonight?" Kyo asked grinning._

_"Oh Kami-Sama I'm so tired... Do I have to?" Kaoru mumbled._

_"Well I can't go alone!"_

_Kaoru looked at Kyo's adorable puppy dog eyes. He couldn't resist those eyes. Kyo could get Kaoru to do almost anything once he pulled out his puppy dog eyes. "Fine." Kaoru said glaring jokingly at his shorter friend._

_"YAY!" Kyo clapped his hands and the tackled Kaoru with a hug. Kaoru almost regretted agreeing to it as he pried the smaller man off of him for the second time that day._

_..._

_Later Kyo and Kaoru went out drinking. They both had fun but Kaoru drank more than Kyo did. Kyo had trouble dragging the taller man out of the bar and getting him back home. But Kyo was happy to have spent so much time with his friend._

_Finally Kyo had gotten his overly drunk friend home and the man crashed on the couch. Kyo smiled and took Kaoru's shoes off for him. He would have tried to drag Kaoru to his bed instead of the couch but he knew that was too far to carry Kaoru's dead weight._

_Finally Kyo went to bed for the night. He slept peacefully for a while._

_..._

_Kyo awoke to a pair of hands touching his inner thighs. Kyo tried to wiggle away from the hands but one came crashing down on his crotch as a fist. Kyo yelped and withered in pain as the hands continued to touch him. As the pain faded Kyo became more alert of his surroundings and saw that it was Kaoru touching him. Kaoru soon began undressing Kyo._

_"Stop it! Kaoru! No!" Kyo yelled. His yelling was not ignored but answered with Kaoru beating him. It felt as though the world had begun moving in slow motion as Kyo cried and begged Kaoru to stop. But Kaoru only continued to hit him. Finally Kaoru stopped beating the other and finished undressing Kyo. Kyo was naked and exposed. He whimpered under Kaoru's harsh touch. He felt so broken and alone as Kaoru violated him. But Kyo didn't give up and struggled against Kaoru until Kaoru penetrated him. In that moment he realized his friend would have his way with him no matter what he did. He was too weak to fight back._

_Kaoru was the one friend Kyo had truly trusted. The one friend who had cared about him. And what Kaoru had done wasn't just a onetime drunken incident. Kaoru continued to abuse Kyo night after night. Kyo broke down. There was no escape. No one else to turn to. He was alone, broken, and abused. Over time Kyo grew to hate everything. He hated his life but he couldn't kill himself. He wasn't afraid of death but he didn't want to die just yet. The man's entire being festered with the emotional torment that Kaoru inflicted. Kyo's sweet personality grew cold and bitter. His smile faded. His positive outlook on life was gone. He saw nothing but the darkness and pain of his own mental state. Even as his hatred died away, his bitter lonliness did not._

Even though Kaoru had abused, raped, and nearly killed Kyo on several occasions Kyo could never find it in himself to hate the other man. He knew of Kaoru's dark past. He knew how Kaoru's father had mentally, emotionally, physically, and occasionally sexually abused Kaoru as a child. Kyo even felt a little bad for Kaoru for having to endure such pain so early on in life. Kaoru may have made a fuck up out of Kyo but at the very least Kyo understood why.

Kyo stood at the doorway to Kaoru's apartment. Since he'd promised to move in with Hitsugi he wanted to get his stuff back since all he really had was clothes anyway. Kyo had waited until Hitsugi had left to go grocery shopping. He knew Hitsugi wouldn't want him going to Kaoru's apartment by himself so Kyo skipped the fight with him and just waited till he left the apartment. Now Kyo stood in front of Kaoru's door reaching into his pockets searching for his key. Finally he found it and let himself in.

Once inside Kyo's eyes looked around for Kaoru. The house was dead silent. He must not be home, Kyo thought to himself. Good.

Kyo walked to the room he had shared with Kaoru. He began packing his clothes into an old bag with the Dir En Grey logo on it. His mind was so occupied that he didn't notice the door open behind him.

"Kyo." Kaoru nearly whispered as he reached a hand out and touched Kyo's hip. Kyo tensed and turned around. "Kyo what are you doing?"

TBC

_Author's Note: I must give credit to DeathIsKAP for giving me the motivation to update this story. Otherwise I probably would have put it off until I had gotten a new computer in September. Anyway thank you again, DeathIsKAP! I know this chapter is short and has a cliff hanger…. But I didn't feel like writing much more after the flashback. Just wait till you read what I have planned next…._


	5. Unlaced

_Your Sugar Sits Untouched_

_Unlaced_

In mid afternoon Kaoru was wondering around his favorite music store. He wasn't looking for anything specific. He was just passing the time, hoping that Kyo would come back to him soon. Of course there was something wrong in Kaoru's mind where he truly thought Kyo would willingly fall back into his arms.

Wandering around the store he spotted a CD he wanted. He picked it up admiring the cover. A small smile graced his lips as he went to the counter to buy the CD. Then Kaoru saw who was behind that counter.

The guitarist froze, his eyes wide and his mouth hung open slightly. Years of pain that had been pushed to the back of Kaoru's mind and locked away had suddenly came back overwhelming and tormenting him. Kaoru felt a chill run down his spine as his hands began trembling.

That man... Was Kaoru's father.

...

_Kaoru was just a small innocent child when his very loving mother died. Shorty after that horrible day Kaoru's father changed. A once honorable man turned into a sick, twisted monster..._

_After a long night of trying to drink the pain away Kaoru's father was frustrated beyond his limits that the alcohol wouldn't make him forget. A pain so bad that he even blamed his son for his wife's death even though Kaoru had nothing to do with it. Kaoru's father came home that night filled with unbearable rage. Kaoru had already taken care of himself and gotten to bed knowing his father wouldn't help him if he even bothered to come home that night. So Kaoru was tucked into bed sleeping peacefully when his drunken and angered father stumbled into his room. Kaoru's father stood menacingly over the small boy's sleeping figure._

_The man's hand lurched forward grabbing Kaoru's hair and throwing the boy to the ground. Kaoru woke up confused and in pain as his father began viciously beating him, throwing him against the wall. Everything was a blur of fists and harsh kicks and pain to Kaoru. He cried and yelped in pain as the horrid beating continued. After a few very long minutes Kaoru felt his mind drift and the pain fade as he dove in and out of consciousness. Just as he was about to go unconscious when his father stopped. Kaoru tried to get his eyes to focus to see what was happening. But as soon as he did it became all too clear. Kaoru's father began ripping Kaoru's clothes off as well as his own. Kaoru cried begging his father to stop. Kaoru wished he would go unconscious but he only became even more awake as his father thrust into him._

_That night Kaoru was beaten and violated... By his own father. His mind became filled and clouded with disorders and darkness._

_But one day after about seven years of that torture, Kaoru's father didn't make it home at night. After several nights Kaoru assumed his father had died and Kaoru left alone. He hid his mental problems and pain in the back of his mind and became a somewhat normal human being. He even became friends with a man called Kyo._

_Until he was drunk one night and saw a sort of innocence in Kyo's face that reminded him of the innocence his own face held before his mother died. The face he'd seen in old pictures from his childhood. And in that moment something in Kaoru's mind snapped and he became the monster he'd always feared._

_..._

Kaoru stood in shock as he saw the father he believed to be dead working at his favorite music shop. Chills ran down Kaoru's spine and his knees went weak as the man spotted Kaoru. Kaoru could see the man recognized him.

"You're... My son...? Kaoru?" The man said. Even though he hadn't seen him in nearly twenty years he still knew it was the face of his own son. It was so similar to his own.

Kaoru dropped the CD he was holding and bolted out of the store. He had no idea if his father ran after him or even if he had called for him. And Kaoru didn't want to know...

Kaoru got in his car and started to drive home. Something snapped in Kaoru's mind. He realized what a monster he had become. Just like his father. An abuser. Tears streamed down his face as he saw all the pain he'd inflicted on Kyo. All the horrible things he had done. It was too late for him to take it all back now... But Kaoru wished desperately that he could.

Finally Kaoru got back home. All he wanted to do was flop into his bed and sleep away the guilt he felt for what he'd done to Kyo. But the door to his house was open. Kaoru walked in and headed towards his bedroom where he could hear some shuffling around. When he entered the bedroom he saw Kyo. He walked towards the smaller man. Reaching his hand out Kaoru touched Kyo's hip.

"Kyo," Kaoru said in a near whisper. "Kyo what are you doing?"

Kyo froze turning back to face his abuser. But when he looked in to Kaoru's eyes he didn't see anger. He saw guilt and pain. Kyo stayed silent while trying to keep a distance between him and Kaoru.

"Kyo... I'm sorry." Kaoru said hanging his head in shame. "Everything I did..."

Kyo was silent for a moment before responding. "Why?"

Kaoru looked back up at Kyo. Kyo could see the tears trailing down his cheeks. "I saw my father today."

Kaoru's legs became weak and he sank down into his bed tears pouring silently down his face. Kyo rushed to Kaoru's side and tried to comfort the other man. Kaoru snuggled in to Kyo's lap and cried on Kyo's shirt. Kyo patted his friend's back in an attempt to comfort him. After a while Kaoru had finally calmed down but not without leaving a big wet spot on Kyo's shirt.

"Kyo?" Kaoru whispered. "Kyo, I love you."

Everything stilled for in an instant. Neither of the boys spoke or moved. Neither knew how to respond. Kaoru and Kyo stared at each other. Kyo's eyes where wide in shock and Kaoru's eyes were desperate for Kyo to say something.

Kaoru slid off of Kyo's lap and sat up next to him.

"Kyo, I'm sorry... For everything I did to you. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I'd take it all back if I could... I saw my father today and realized what I had done to you... It was horrible. I'm such a fucking monster!" tears poured down Kaoru's cheeks once more. "But Kyo... I love you so much." Kaoru finished his speech by gently pulling Kyo into a kiss. Kyo returned the kiss but not all in his heart was right. Kyo felt his heart tug for the beautiful man who was kissing him. Once his abuser but Kyo know Kaoru had changed. Kaoru wasn't the same man who had abused Kyo anymore. He was the old Kaoru from when him and Kyo where still friends. Kyo had adored that Kaoru. Kyo had thought that Kaoru was gone for good, permanently replaced by a monster, but now Kyo's old friend was in his right mind again.

But still... Kyo felt his heart longing for the gorgeous man he had promised to live with. Kyo still wanted Hitsugi. Kyo's heart was torn between these two men he loved.

But at the moment Kaoru was leaning Kyo back and kissing him hungrily. Kyo moaned quietly as Kaoru began to rub desperately against him. But then Kyo pulled away from Kaoru and began gathering the rest of his belongings.

"What are you doing? I thought you wanted to... Please don't go, Kyo!" Kaoru begged as Kyo walked towards the door.

Kyo turned to Kaoru. "I'm sorry but... I still have some thoughts to sort out." Kyo's said before reluctantly leaving. Kaoru didn't want Kyo to leave but he wasn't going to force Kyo to stay.

Kyo wanted to see Hitsugi again. He knew Hitsugi probably didn't return his love and only thought of him as a friend, but Kyo couldn't help but have feelings for the friendly, red haired guitarist.

TBC

_Author's Note: I liked this part! It was so much fun to write except my friends kept talking to me on chat so it took a few hours. But it's all done now! I really wanted to finish it for DeathIsKAP since she had a rough day at school. DeathIsKAP: You helped me continue on with this work my motivating me and showing me that at least someone cares about it so I thought the least I could do in return was hurry the fuck up._


	6. A Cure?

Your Sugar Sits Untouched: A Cure?

Kyo walked through the door to Hitsugi's house. All he'd been thinking about on the trip home was Hitsugi. But Hitsugi had come home to an empty house and wasn't responding well to that... He wanted to protect Kyo. But at this moment Hitsugi was going through a list of all the horrible things that could have happened to Kyo for him to have disappeared. Hitsugi had _no idea_ what to do and he was freaking out about it.

And then Kyo walked through the door as casually as if he'd just made a quick run to get a cup of tea.

"Where in Hell have you_ been_?" Hitsugi exclaimed, still somewhat worriedly.

Kyo almost smiled at the adorableness of seeing Hitsugi mad. "I was at Kaoru's house getting my stuff." Kyo responded calmly.

"WHAT? What happened? Are you okay?" By this point Hitsugi was really freaking out.

"Relax. I know what you're thinking and it's not like that. He didn't hurt me. I swear."

Hitsugi still didn't seem to believe Kyo but he bit his lip and calmed down. "Will you tell me what _did_ happen?" Hitsugi made puppy dog eyes at Kyo but Kyo didn't see them as he walked down the hall to escape to the guest room he was staying in.

"Maybe later…" He said to Hitsugi before shutting the door.

Kyo loved that Hitsugi seemed to care about him so much, but Kyo was still confused as to _why _Hitsugi cared so much. Hitsugi had only known the vocalist for a few short days and he'd already offered Kyo a place to live.

Hitsugi worried about Kyo a lot. He wanted his new friend to be safe and cared for. He didn't want to see Kyo hurt anymore. But underneath the maternal instinct Hitsugi felt something more for Kyo. And although he did not know it, Kyo felt the same way about Hitsugi.

Later that night after a quiet and somewhat tense dinner the two boys went to their separate rooms to sleep. Kyo had still not told Hitsugi about what happened at Kaoru's house and Hitsugi decided not to push him.

Kyo sat up in his bed after a while. He couldn't sleep. He felt so tiny in the mostly empty bedroom and vast bed. Kyo sighed and got up. Then Kyo did something unexpected. He headed straight for Hitsugi's room. Kyo opened the door quietly and looked at Hitsugi's form.

"Hitsugi? Are you awake?" Kyo whispered. Hitsugi sat up and looked at Kyo confused.

"Are you okay, Kyo?" Hitsugi asked.

"No. I can't sleep." Kyo replied sitting on the edge of Hitsugi's bed.

"Me either." Hitsugi said.

A brief silence passed between the two. "Can I stay here with you tonight?" Kyo asked.

Hitsugi was somewhat confused but he couldn't say no to Kyo. "Sure." He said scooting over to give Kyo some room to lie down. Kyo lay down next to Hitsugi.

"Hitsugi, can I tell you something?" Kyo whispered.

"Of course." Hitsugi responded. He was still confused that Kyo was being so… Close when earlier he had been trying to keep his distance.

Kyo sighed and told Hitsugi about the first time he'd been abused by Kaoru. Hitsugi listened to Kyo intently. His eyes widened in horror as he listened. Once Kyo finished Hitsugi snuggled his friend into a tight hug. Kyo wasn't upset after retelling his story but he loved the sweet scent that drifted around Hitsugi. He snuggled his face into Hitsugi's warm neck and the two stayed like that for a long while.

Finally Hitsugi pulled away and Kyo continued talking. He told Hitsugi about what had happened at Kaoru's house. He recounted everything, from the kiss he had shared with his former abuser to how he felt about Kaoru's change and Hitsugi listened.

By the time Kyo had finished the story Hitsugi was feeling a little jealous. He wanted Kyo but he knew that the vocalist wasn't his and never would be. But Hitsugi wanted to try to keep Kyo happy and safe anyway.

"So are you going to be with Kaoru?" Hitsugi asked quietly.

"I don't know. That's why I brought my clothes here. I still have so much more to sort out." Kyo replied.

Hitsugi nodded, understandingly. "Thank you for telling me about what happened. I'm sorry you had to go through such pain."

"It's fine. Thank you for letting me stay here. I really don't want to be alone tonight." Kyo said snuggling into Hitsugi's arms again.

And with that the two boys fell asleep.

_Author's Note: Yes that was short! I know. Lots of fluff. It actually took me a while to write though… My stomach is all scratched up and unhappy. But I'm done! Yaoi planned in the next chapter. ;) Yeah this chapter sucked but whatever…. I'm okay with it…. _


	7. Syringe

Your Sugar Sits Untouched: Syringe

The next morning Kyo woke up facing the door of Hitsugi's room. He felt a warm body grinding up against his ass. He heard a light moan escape from the plush lips of the beautiful man behind him. Kyo turned around to see what Hitsugi was trying to do. Hitsugi was still asleep, his face tinted red and he tried to rub himself against Kyo. The vocalist sighed and gently nudged his friend awake. Hitsugi awoke confused but quickly realized what was going on when he felt his slight arousal.

"Oh shit! Kyo! I'm so sorry!" Hitsugi exclaimed backing away from Kyo. He couldn't believe he had done something so stupid. He felt so ashamed of touching Kyo. Even though he was asleep Hitsugi still felt guilty and blamed himself. He curled up in a ball in the corner of the room and mumbled apologies to the other man.

"Hitsugi… Calm down! It's okay! I'm not mad!" Kyo said as he got closer to the younger guitarist. Hitsugi stayed quiet.

"I understand if you want to leave now. I'm so sorry." Hitsugi whispered, still covering his face.

"Hitsugi…." Kyo leaned forward and hugged the other man. "I wanted it too." Kyo whispered into Hitsugi's ear.

Hitsugi looked up at Kyo, confusion filling his features. "What?"

Kyo answered Hitsugi with a sweet kiss. Hitsugi was too surprised to return the kiss, his mouth gaped open slightly. Kyo, of course, took advantage of the opportunity and thrust his tongue into the other man's mouth. Hitsugi was even more shocked by what Kyo was doing. But finally he snapped himself back into reality and kissed back. Kyo helped Hitsugi get off the floor and led him back to the bed not once breaking the kiss. Hitsugi realized where Kyo was going with the kiss and pulled away.

"Kyo… Do you really want this?" Hitsugi asked worriedly.

"Yes, I do." Kyo said quietly looking away. He paused for a moment. "It won't hurt like it did with Kaoru, will it?" Kyo asked nervously.

"I would _**never **_hurt you Kyo!" Hitsugi exclaimed pulling Kyo into a hug. After Hitsugi pulled away he blushed and looked away. "I wasn't expecting you to be uke anyway…."

Kyo's eyes widened in realization. Kyo kissed Hitsugi pushing the younger man backwards onto the bed. Kyo's hands touched almost every part of Hitsugi's torso as the two men rubbed their arousals together. Kyo quickly stripped himself and Hitsugi of clothing.

Hitsugi moaned as Kyo caressed his inner thighs and then squeaked as Kyo began to prepare him. Kyo licked at Hitsugi's hard nipple to distract him from the pain.

"Kyo… Just do it..." Hitsugi said between heated breathes. Kyo was surprised at the lust in Hitsugi's voice. But he did as Hitsugi said and he entered the younger man. He started off slowly at first buy quickened his pace when Hitsugi urged him on. Both of the men moaned loudly as Kyo thrust into Hitsugi's tight heat. Kyo shifted his position slightly and made Hitsugi scream in ecstasy when Kyo hit his sweet spot. Kyo watched Hitsugi's lust filled face contort as Kyo pounded into the younger man. Soon Hitsugi released all over his chest and stomach causing Kyo to release soon after when Hitsugi tightened around him.

Kyo collapsed on top of Hitsugi and pulled out of his new lover. The two men cuddled together both too tired to clean their sticky mess up. "That was amazing, Hitsugi." Kyo said as Hitsugi snuggled into Kyo warm chest.

"Kyo, can I tell you something?" Hitsugi asked.

"Of course." Kyo replied.

Hitsugi bit his lip nervously for a moment before continuing. "I'm in love with you."

A long silence passed between the two men. "Hitsugi… I love you too… But I still have more feelings than that to sort out."

Hitsugi nodded. He understood but he still felt disappointed. But for the moment he decided to enjoy whatever time he'd have in Kyo's arms.

"Hitsugi… What if I choose Kaoru over you?" Kyo asked nervously.

"Kyo, I love you so much that I care about your happiness more than my own." Hitsugi replied.

Kyo's heart skipped a beat at Hitsugi's confession. Kyo kissed Hitsugi once more before they both settled into a peaceful sleep.

_(Author's note: Well that was an embarrassingly horrible yaoi scene…. I wouldn't have even tried it…. But…. Well, __DeathIsKAP__, I hope you enjoyed it. And I hope you feel better soon! Yup! Two chapters in one day! So you better enjoy it because it took me four and a half hours to write all of this!)_


	8. Shallot

_Your Sugar Sits Untouched. 8. Shallot _

It had all happened so fast.

Just that morning Kyo and Hitsugi had woken in each other's arms. They murmured sweet things to each other in between short kisses. Kyo loved having Hitsugi's body so close to him and he wanted so much more and Kyo knew he could have it if he asked but he wanted to wait until he had sorted through the feelings he had. Kyo wanted so much more than he could have. He didn't want either Hitsugi or Kaoru… He wanted them **both**. But he knew it'd never happen.

Sooner than either of the men would have liked they got up and dressed. Hitsugi made Kyo breakfast and they discussed what to do that day. Kyo decided to leave and be by himself for a while to think.

Kyo walked around through the city's streets, passing by the people and shops, trying so hard to make a decision. But his mind was troubled by the thought of losing one of his precious lovers. He had to decide. Kyo wondered if Hitsugi and Kaoru loved him enough to allow him to keep both of them. They did and Kyo knew it. The question he really asked was did he love them enough to not put them both through that kind of unhappiness and discomfort. He knew he wouldn't… But he wanted to.

For a few very long hours he wondered the streets lost in thought.

Then suddenly he understood who he loved more. The realization hit him like a speeding car which, coincidentally, also hit him a few seconds later.

...

Hitsugi was sitting around his house with his favorite guitar playing one of his favorite songs. All too soon he was interrupted by his ringing phone. He answered his phone, hearing sobbing on the other side.

"Hello? Who is this? Why are you crying?" Hitsugi asked the mysterious caller.

"Kyo… Kyo... He was… Hit by a car… He's in the… Hospital…" The man said in between choked sobs. Hitsugi realized who the caller was. Kaoru, of course. Hitsugi's blood froze and he dropped the phone. He sprinted out of the door to his car and sped to a nearby hospital. He_ had_ to see Kyo.

When Hitsugi arrived the hospital was just like a normal hospital. It seemed almost too calm in comparison with Hitsugi's frantic state. Hitsugi rushed to the front desk and tried to calm down as he asked the woman where Kyo was. It took several minutes for the woman to direct Hitsugi to the right room in which time the stress and suspense was slowly crushing Hitsugi.

Finally Hitsugi made his way to the room in which Kyo was placed in. He burst into the room and nearly fainted at the sight of Kyo, unconscious with several needles in his arm and most of his body covered bandages, cuts, and bruises. Kyo was completely unrecognizable. Kaoru sat at his side holding his hand. He had calmed somewhat since Hitsugi had been on the phone with him but tears were still flowing steadily from his red, puffy eyes.

Hitsugi stood frozen, staring. He felt numbness overcome his body. The doctor in the room approached Hitsugi and recounted what happened to Kyo, what bones he had broken, how bad his condition was, and so on. The part that struck Hitsugi back into reality was that Kyo would most likely die within the next few days.

Hitsugi couldn't imagine how he'd go on, knowing that Kyo was dead. He now understood why Kaoru was crying so much.

Hitsugi couldn't stand it anymore. He ran out of the hospital and went back home. He went to his room and flopped into his bed, the stress of the day weighing down on him so much that he quickly fell asleep. He wanted to believe that Kyo was okay. He wanted to convince himself that it was all a bad dream, a nightmare, but the look on Kaoru's face and Kyo's mangled but still living body were too real.

…

The next morning Hitsugi woke up to his empty bed. He didn't want to know if Kyo was alive or dead or if he would live or not. Hitsugi just didn't want to know…

So he packed his bags to go stay at his parents' house for a few weeks. Hitsugi loved Kyo… Too much to watch him die, too much to watch him suffer, so Hitsugi left, to escape. He knew he was being selfish, but at that moment, selfishness was the last of his worries.

…

That same morning, Kaoru woke up next to Kyo's still body. The only movement the unconscious singer made was shallow breathing, but that and the steady "beep" of the heart monitor was enough for Kaoru to know that he was still alive.

Kaoru left the room briefly to get something to drink before continuing to sit at Kyo's side for what would surely be several long hours or ever days.

Kaoru returned to nurses rushing into Kyo's room and the heart monitor making a very distinct "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep."

TBC

_(Author's note: Chapter 9 will be held hostage until DeathIsKAP ungrounds me and admits that she is beauuuuutiful!)_


	9. Manic Depression

_Your Sugar Sits Untouched 9_

_Manic Depression_

6 Months Later…

Hitsugi was wrecked with the thought of Kyo. So wrecked in fact that he had moved from his apartment in Tokyo to a smaller apartment in a less populated part of Japan living off the money he had made as a member of Nightmare after he officially quit. Nightmare eventually found a new guitarist although he wasn't nearly as good as Hitsugi.

….

Kaoru had, after much time spent grieving, fallen in love with Yomi. They had dated for a few months and eventually began living together. Kaoru was often teased by his friends when he showed up somewhere with the smaller man attached to his arm. Kaoru didn't care… He just kissed his new lover and smiled.

….

Exactly six months after Hitsugi had left Kaoru called him. Kaoru told Hitsugi about the new life he'd made for himself with Yomi. How he'd never once harmed his new lover. How wonderful things had gone in his life.

Hitsugi almost thought Kaoru didn't deserve it after what he'd done to Kyo. But he knew that it wasn't really Koaru's fault and that Kyo had forgiven him for it. He knew that Kaoru was still wrecked with guilt over what happened. He turned his thoughts away from blaming Kaoru.

As the conversation went on Hitsugi thought more and more of Kyo.

Finally Kaoru asked, "So do you want to know what happened to Kyo?"

Hitsugi hesitated for a moment debating the idea. "No…"

"Hitsugi… You have to know. Kyo died-" Kaoru was cut off as Hitsugi slammed down his phone instantly breaking it.

But Hitsugi couldn't un-hear what he had just heard. And it all came crashing down on him.

Kyo was dead.

_(Author's Note: Yup. That's what happened. I did it… Killed him off…. In the very last chapter. But wait! There's more! I will post an epilogue soon, I promise! _

_Oh yeah! And DeathisKAP admitted that she is pretty, which is close enough! But we all know that she is waaay more than that! She's gorgeous! :D But I doubt she'll be admitting that anytime soon… _

_Yeah… had to threaten to kill off all the characters in chapter 9 to get her to say it so… Yeah… I was super happy that she said it but kinda disappointed that I didn't get to use my super gory ending that I was planning out in my head. _

_Anyway! There will be an epilogue and you can't skip it because I'm planning something AMAZING! It's not over till I say it's over! YEAH!_

_Also… I apologize for the briefness in this chapter.)_


	10. 4 O' Clock Epilogue

_Your Sugar Sits Untouched ~Epilogue~_

_4 O' Clock_

There lay Kaoru, arms intertwined with his lover's. Kaoru had never been happier than that moment, never felt more in love than that moment. He held Yomi's sleeping figure so close he was breathing on the other's neck. As Yomi's eyes fluttered open Kaoru placed small kisses on his lover's neck. He loved waking up before Yomi.

Yomi's hands found their way to Kaoru as he edged closer to his lover. Still partially asleep Yomi was already in a good mood, as he always was when he awoke in his lovers arms.

"Kao-chaaaaan!" Yomi muttered sleepily. Kaoru nuzzled Yomi's neck in reply. "Kaokao, I love you!" Yomi's voice slurred slightly with sleepiness.

Kaoru pulled Yomi's face closer and placed a sweet kiss on the blonde vocalist's lips. "Yomi… You mean the world to me." Kaoru whispered.

Yomi often made fun of Kaoru for all the hopelessly romantic things he said but he always loved to hear them and fell for them every time.

As Yomi pulled himself closer to his lover he let out a painful groan. Kaoru's face instantly filled with worry. He began apologizing, feeling extremely guilty.

Yomi interrupted his lover's apologies by jumping into Kaoru's arms and kissing him. "Kaoru… I love you. Don't worry. My ass doesn't hurt _that_ bad."

Yomi loved that Kaoru was always so concerned and afraid to hurt him. He knew why too… Yomi knew how afraid Kaoru was to hurt him or lose him like he had done to Kyo. Yomi knew that Kaoru could break at any moment and become the monster he had been for years, but Yomi loved Kaoru too much to leave him.

Kaoru felt better and wrapped his arms around Yomi tightly. Yomi had never been so in love with anyone else in his entire life.

Then the two boys heard a knock at the door. It was loud and urgent sounding. Kaoru quickly got up to get dressed even though he wanted nothing more than to stay in bed with Yomi.

He rushed to the door and opened it. There, standing at the door, was Kyo.

Kyo was wearing ragged clothes, somewhat dirty and confused. For the past year Kyo had been struggling with retrograde amnesia* due to the brain damage he had sustained in the accident. Kyo's voice came out shaky and quiet but clearly audible. "I remember."

Kaoru rushed forward and hugged Kyo. For the past year Kaoru had been unable to apologize to Kyo. Kyo didn't remember what Kaoru had to apologize for and Kaoru didn't want Kyo to have to relive such horrifying memories so soon after such a traumatic incident. Now Kyo finally remembered what had happened.

"I'm so sorry Kyo. You have no idea what kind of guilt I've felt for what I've done to you." Kaoru said, crying into Kyo's shoulder.

Kyo wrapped his arms around his former abuser tightly. "Kaoru… It's okay. I forgive you."

After a moment of the continuous hugging, Yomi peeked into the room wondering what was going on. He saw the scene of Kyo and Kaoru hugging and Kaoru crying. He suddenly felt a little jealous. Kaoru had been in love with Kyo before Yomi… A thought occurred to Yomi that Kaoru could leave him for Kyo but he brushed the thought aside knowing he was overreacting.

Kyo finally began to pull away from the hug and spotted Yomi. He instantly ran over to Yomi and wrapped to shorter man in a tight hug. Yomi was surprised by Kyo's actions but returned the hug anyway.

Kyo pulled away from the shorter vocalist, tears running down his face. "I'm sorry to have interrupted your time together. I didn't know where else to go." Kyo said in a near whisper voice.

"It's fine, Kyo! I'm so happy to see you've remembered everything." Yomi replied cheerfully.

"Yeah…" Kyo let a moment of awkward silence pass between them before speaking up again. "So what have I missed?"

Kaoru and Yomi took Kyo out to lunch and explained what had happened while Kyo was away.

In the hospital, Kyo's heart had stopped beating. Nurses had rushed in to help him. He was dead for a little over three minutes. But by the time his condition was stabilized, Hitsugi had disappeared. For the following weeks, Kyo was unconscious. He'd sustained brain damage causing retrograde amnesia. Finally, Kyo woke up. The first word out of his mouth was "Hitsugi". Kaoru knew that Kyo wasn't his anymore. What happened after that was a little tricky to explain. As soon as Kyo was well enough to be released from the hospital, he left. He never told anyone where he was going or anything so Kaoru didn't know what happened to him after that. But after that Yomi and Kaoru became good friends. Yomi had often visited Kyo in the hospital to see if Hitsugi was there since he'd not heard anything from his friend. And after a while, Kaoru and Yomi's friendship progressed and then one day, all of the sudden, they were lovers.

Kyo listened intently to everything but was slightly disturbed by the lack of news about Hitsugi. Then Kaoru told him about the call he'd made to Hitsugi but how Hitsugi hung up before Kaoru could explain anything.

Kyo really wanted to know more about what happened to Hitsugi. Kyo loved Hitsugi. But he knew he's wasted the past year. Hitsugi had probably found someone else. It had been such a long time.

Kyo's stomach twisted itself into knots, wondering if Hitsugi still loved him or even remembered him. "Do you know where Hitsugi is now?" Kyo asked nervously.

Kaoru and Yomi gave each other an odd look. Kaoru hesitated. "Well… no…" Kaoru answered nervously.

Kyo sank down into his seat. "I have to find him…" Kaoru and Yomi sat silently.

"WAIT! I think I know how to find him!" Kaoru said, excitedly.

Kyo's facial expression asked the question Kyo didn't feel the need to put into words.

Within the next hour Kaoru had found the address of Hitsugi's current residence.

….

Hitsugi was in his room playing an old Nightmare song. Lost in the Blue. There was a gentle knock on the door. Hitsugi continued to play the song, ignoring the visitor. After a few minutes of persistent knocking, which was beginning to make Hitsugi miss several notes, Hitsugi got up to answer.

When he opened the door he saw a short, blonde, trembling man. The man was probably a few years older than Hitsugi, dressed in new, clean, darkly colored clothes, dark eyes and long hair. "Hitsugi…." The man whispered.

Hitsugi's face was blank, completely expressionless as he stared at the blonde man at his door.

"Hitsugi? Are you okay? Don't you remember who I am?" The man's eyebrows knotted with worry. But Hitsugi's face remained blank.

"Kyo." Hitsugi whispered. "You're Kyo." Kyo's stomach was so knotted up in nervousness that he could hardly stay standing up. "Come in."

Kyo walked inside Hitsugi's new apartment. He looked around, seeing blank, grey walls and a lack of furniture. It was almost completely different from Yomi and Kaoru's residence which was painted in warm, welcoming colors and beautiful furniture.

Hitsugi closed the door behind Kyo and turned and stared at his guest.

"Hitsugi…" Kyo started. "I know I've been gone for a long time. I'm really sorry." Kyo explained everything that had happened to him in the hospital. Hitsugi stood silently and stared.

"Hitsugi?" Kyo whispered. He'd finished his story but Hitsugi just stared blankly. By this time Kyo was on edge and Hitsugi's lack of response wasn't helping. "Hitsugi! Say something!" Kyo shouted. Hitsugi didn't respond. Kyo grabbed Hitsugi's shoulders and shook him. "Hitsugi!"

It was like Hitsugi was dead. How numb he'd become to block out the pain. But the moment Kyo touched him he'd realized that it wasn't the Kyo who haunted his dreams at night. It was the real Kyo. He was there. Alive. Hitsugi felt the numbness of the past year leave him.

He lurched forward, kissing Kyo. It took Kyo by surprise but Kyo returned the kiss.

Hitsugi wrapped his arms around his lover, finally returned to him. "Kyo, I love you." He said in between the kisses and tears. Kyo buried his face into Hitsugi's neck taking in the sweet smell and soft touch of his lover that he had been deprived of for the past year.

"I love you so much Hitsugi... Don't you dare leave me again!"

"I won't. I promise…."

_* Retrograde amnesia: When you forget everything that has happened to you before you developed the amnesia. Usually caused by brain damage._

_(Author's Note: I know…. The epilogue wasn't posted "soon"… I'm sorry, I've been busy! Anyway… I hope you enjoyed it and I hope it made up for chapter nine. _

_Thanks to everyone who has read this! Thanks to Katy for motivating me to finish! Thanks to my mom for buying me a new computer so I COULD finish! So Thank you to everyone who helped me get through this who thing!_

_It's 10 chapters. Exactly as I planned! I love that I finally finished. The ending worked out so beautifully too! Been working on it since April…_

_I hope everyone enjoyed it! Kinda sad now that this is all over but it's such a relief to be done. _

_Anyway, thanks again for reading or reviewing!)_


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